Yerevan’s Eligible Bachelors

Coffee Culture in Yerevan
February 22, 2019
Single Girls in Our City
March 4, 2019
 

"Where are all the nice guys?" It's an expression I hear among my female friends in their 20's, 30's, 40's ... and they all believe that by the time you reach 30 all the good ones are taken. Below, I've summed up everything I learned from my friends about the types of single men living in Yerevan.

 
 

The Bartender: This handsome and well-groomed guy is a hit-or-miss opportunity in Yerevan. Occasionally, bartenders are respectful dudes who are doing their job and having a good time while doing it. We’ve all had had a crush on a bartender at some point in our lives, and if you haven’t, you probably will. Just remember that their job is to make money and what better way to do that than to flirt with whatever girl is sitting at the bar. He'll probably make you feel like you're the only one in the room - until someone else occupies the empty seat beside you. Next time do something different. Start a conversation with the new girl before the bartender can even blink an eye.

The Rich Kid: This one is incredibly charming, funny, charismatic, and you’ll love spending time with him. He has lived in different countries, went to a few great schools, and dated all types of women, most of them his mother's age. He sweeps you off your feet right away and you can't wait to show him to your girlfriends -- if you can find him, of course.

Married But Always Single Type: You know what, they're not worthy of my time or yours. So, let's move on.

Subway Rider Dude: You see him every morning during your commute to work. He’s nicely dressed, clean shaven (and generally too clean for his environment), avoids any eye contact, listens to music and his body language implies that taking the subway is just a temporary thing for him. How do you get his attention? Either sit next to him and start a conversation or just ignore him. But, seriously, talk to him. A lot of girls are going to read this advice and might beat you to it.

The Tech Bro: Wears a T-shirt, expensive sneakers, a backpack, and carries a huge phone. As they say, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. This dude wants a girlfriend who is basically his bro but also romantic. You must work in tech, wear the same brand of sneakers, sport a backpack and never complain that you don't see him for months. He may be growing a "unicorn".

Your Taxi Driver: Wears cool glasses that he never drives without, and slippers (that you’ll never see because they’re under the dashboard). He’s quiet unless you start a conversation, and then he won’t shut up. And the stories all have the same intro: I wasn’t always a taxi driver… This guy usually needs a romantic adventure. A quick glance in the rearview mirror with his firm gaze and your fate is sealed.

The Listener: This is the right guy for all your female friends out there who complain that no one ever listens to them. Tell him your problems — from anxiety to insomnia to your current female troubles. Ex-boyfriends, married men you’re currently sleeping with, the professor you had a crush on. He'll listen quite attentively and patiently without judging you. How do you attract this guy? Well, do you really want to?

 

The Young-Start-Up-Founder: Wears quite stylish jeans his mother picked out for him, glasses his dad picked out for him on a business trip and a hoodie with some company name on it (usually it's something he admires greatly). Offer to freelance for his company website and accept his invitation to a dinner party with his housemates — who also happen to be his parents and siblings.

The Undecided Type: This cute and adorable guy in his mid 20’s still can’t figure out whether he must date and then marry a virgin or not. He is torn between his so-called "brotherhood" of "qyarts" and the few piano classes he took while still in first grade, that were meant to increase his intelligence. If you're a virgin, stay a virgin and, also, stay away from this guy. If you're not, find someone whose friends have a higher IQ. You definitely deserve better than that.

The Type That Clearly Belongs In A Medieval Kingdom: Seriously, a large group of Armenian men could easily fit in the Medieval Kingdom. With a permanent "munnat" (complaint) stuck on his face, this type disapproves of everything that's happening around him. He is looking for a girl whose mother delivered her in a hospital where no male doctors ever set foot and who grew up in a village with no men around for kilometers. The thought that some male pediatrician might have seen his wife's butt when she was a baby makes his little brain shrivel up. You might think he's got a permanent toothache, but that's actually the image of the baby-butt fixated in his head. His wife is definitely going to be kept in the apartment or house with thick drapes on the windows. She will not be permitted to set foot outside without his approval, nor dance, smile, breathe or even die without the nod of his cumbersome head. If you're in love with this type and are seriously considering marrying him, do yourself a favor and don't! The children you will have with this guy aren’t likely to be well-adjusted.

The Habitually Late Guy: This guy is a really interesting guy with big aspirations and an even bigger heart. He works in a great company and is well paid, or even has his own small outsourcing company. He comes from a very nice family and has adorable parents you can spend hours talking to. He'll open the door for you to get in the car, unless... you give up waiting for him and go do something else. If you've decided to give it a try and date this guy, please note that you're not going to change him. There's no reason to feel disrespected or taken for granted by him. Being habitually late has nothing to do with you. The best thing you can do is to act independently in keeping with your plans. Keep your concert ticket with you at any rate. It doesn't feel good to arrive alone, but it's less stressful than missing a good part of the performance.


Illustrations by Gila Primak